My husband needs help cleaning- it’s important to me!

Anabelle C. from West Hartford asks:

“My husband who has an autism diagnosis leaves a mess in the kitchen after making a snack. It is not a major issue but one that is very annoying. We have talked about it many times and he improves one time and then it is back to business as usual. Are there things that I can do to help him improve. He knows it matters to me.”

Hi, Anabelle! Your understanding of the neuro-biological foundation of your husband’s autism comes across in the way you frame your question. That is a huge accomplishment, one that will help you formulate next steps. There are effective strategies. Support your husband taking ownership of this behavior. Increasing motivation is key to behavior change. Discuss small reinforcers (it varies for each person – praise, high-five, shoulder rub, special dessert) for his effort to improve. Focus on effort more than outcome in the beginning; if you get his buy-in with follow through early on, improvement usually follows. Having talks is great, but don’t confuse that with a “strategy” for someone with spectrum-related issues. Actually, using visual supports is often better than talking. Setting reminder alerts to clean-up before starting to make food supports him being more likely to clean up. Prominently displaying a photo of a model of a clean counter as a reference can also be helpful. Placing a simple reminder sign à Clean Up ß as a visual reminder can also give a nudge. It is important to measure progress over time – weeks and months – with the understanding that change never takes places in a straight line. Do any of these ideas sound like worthwhile strategies to trial? Finally, an ABA specialist could be helpful to support your husband’s effort to change these and other “habits” and to help you both navigate communication and management of everyday concerns of this kind.